When emotions are running high, it’s tempting to say everything you’re thinking in custody court. But family court isn’t about venting, proving who’s “right,” or winning an argument. It’s about demonstrating what’s best for your child.
Even truthful statements can damage your credibility if they come across as hostile, uncooperative, or child-focused in the wrong way. Judges listen closely not just to what you say, but how you say it.
Below are some of the most common, and costly, things parents should avoid saying in custody court, even if they believe them to be 100% true.
1. “My Child, Not Our Child”
This may seem minor, but language matters in custody cases.
Referring to the child as “my child” instead of “our child” can signal to the court that you are unwilling to support the child’s relationship with the other parent. Judges want to see cooperation and shared responsibility whenever possible.
What to say instead:
- “Our child”
- “The child”
- “Our son” or “our daughter”
This subtle shift shows maturity and a willingness to co-parent.
2. “They’re a Bad Parent”
General accusations without evidence rarely help, and often hurt.
Statements like:
- “They’re lazy”
- “They don’t care”
- “They’re a terrible parent”
…can come across as emotional attacks rather than factual concerns.
What works better:
- Specific examples
- Child-focused impacts
- Documented patterns
For example, instead of attacking character, explain how a behavior affects the child’s routine, safety, or emotional well-being.
3. “I Don’t Need to Communicate With Them”
Refusing to communicate is a red flag in custody court.
Judges expect parents to make reasonable efforts to communicate about their child, even when the relationship is strained. Saying you won’t communicate can suggest you are unwilling to co-parent.
Judges want to see:
- Efforts to communicate respectfully
- Willingness to use parenting apps, email, or structured methods
- Attempts to resolve issues without escalating conflict
4. “I Just Want to Win”
Custody court is not about winning, it’s about the child’s best interests.
Statements that suggest revenge, control, or punishment of the other parent can seriously undermine your case. Courts are focused on stability, not scoring points.
According to the American Psychological Association, prolonged parental conflict is one of the most damaging factors for children during custody disputes, often more harmful than the custody arrangement itself.
5. “My Child Doesn’t Want to See the Other Parent”
Unless there are serious safety concerns, this statement can backfire.
Judges are cautious about claims that a child “doesn’t want” to see the other parent, especially when it appears the child may be influenced by adult conflict. Courts look closely at whether a parent is encouraging or discouraging the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Instead, focus on:
- Observable behavior
- Professional evaluations (if applicable)
- The child’s emotional needs—not preferences framed as ultimatums
Key Takeaways for Custody Court
Before speaking in court, ask yourself:
- Does this statement focus on my child’s well-being?
- Does it show cooperation and stability?
- Would a neutral third party view this as reasonable?
In custody court, judges are listening for:
- 🧠 Emotional control
- 🤝 Willingness to co-parent
- 🏡 Stability and consistency
- 👶 Child-centered decision-making
Talk to a Custody Attorney Before You Speak in Court
Knowing what not to say can be just as important as knowing what to say. An experienced family law attorney can help you present your concerns clearly, professionally, and in a way that protects your relationship with your child.
If you’re facing a custody matter in North Carolina, the attorneys at Bourlon & Davis P.A. are here to help.
👉 Schedule a confidential consultation today:
https://bourlondavispa.com/contact/
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Child custody laws vary by case and are governed by North Carolina law.
